Nice, Jade
by professor lazyass
Summary: Wedding's are embarrassing, anyways. Who needs 'em? / Or, Jade screws up. Big time.


"Damn it, Jade!"

Sam's voice resounds through the wooden doorway as she pounds on it. Jade slides down the wall, and hears Sam kneel in front of the door.

"You don't know who you're messing with, West!" A click rings throughout the room, and Sam Puckett steps in, green bridesmaid dress on and pink bouquet in hand. Her hair is in a low bun, strands hanging with her bangs swept up. Jade takes another swig of wine and nods.

"Hey Puckett."

Sam glares, grip on the flower's strengthening, "What the hell are you _doing?_"

Jade shrugs, "Drinking," she lifts the bottle, "Want—_hic_—some?"

Sam seethes and closes her eyes, gripping her hair. She softly lets go of the roses so they don't come apart, and Jade watches them hit the red-carpeted floor. Sam walks over and sits down. She takes the bottle out of the other woman, whom profusely refuses.

"_Hey_—"

Sam glares, cutting her off. "The ceremony started a fucking _half an hour _ago, West. Cat's up the wall and Tori's sobbing like a maniac. Again: _What the hell?_"

Jade leans her head back, and smirking at the soft thump and pain, she shrugs again. "I dunno."

Sam rubs her temples. "What—do you have cold feet? Are you not in love—"

"_Don't even._"

Sam pauses, surprised, at Jade's rough voice. She blinks as Jade glares at the wall, before sighing. She taps her fingers against the floor, making a chopping rhythm. Awkwardly, she starts.

"So—"

Jade frowns, and grips her hair, moving slightly to her right. "I love Tori, okay? Like, _a lot, _but… but...,"

"Yeah?"

"She just, deserves—"

Sam groans, taking her turn to bang her head against the wall. "Oh my _God_—are you fucking serious?" Jade blushes, "This is what this whole thing is about? You _really _think Tori doesn't want you; would she fucking _be here _if she didn't love you?" She laughs in disbelief, "Would—"

Jade snaps, "Shut it, Puckett. I didn't ask for your God damn opinion." Sam raises her eyebrows as Jade puts her hand down her dress, pulling a miniature flask from her bra. She takes another swig, and someone else walks inside the room.

"_There _you are!"

The duo looks up, seeing Cat in her bridesmaid dress not unlike Sam's, the same bouquet in her hand, which is nestled at her hip. Jade drinks some more, and Cat's angry form advances forward, then snatches the alcohol from her friend's hand.

"We don't need you drunk at your wedding!"

Sam smiles up at her girlfriend, "I found—"

"And _you!_" Cat yells, pointing towards the blonde, "_You _were supposed to call me when you found Jade!"

Sam blushes, "That's what they were for? I thought we were gonna do, like, some NYPD role-play—"

Jade whines, closing her eyes as she sets her head against the wall, "_Really_—"

Sam glares, "It's not like we don't hear you and Tori! What, is 'Pie' some secret codename for sex?" She raises her voice higher, imitating Tori, clasping her hands and looking up at the ceiling. "_Oh, Jade! Let's get some 'Pie'!" _

"It was only twice! And one time we actually did get—"

"Jade!"

The groom-to-be groans, "Come join the party, Beck!"

Cat pouts, "I want pie now," and Sam smirks, "Blueberry pie, or _pie, pie?_"

Cat giggles, and Beck walks towards Jade, "Tori's crying like—"

"BECK. BECK THE FLOWER GIRL'S EVIL."

Jade whines, wishing she had a cig as Robbie runs towards Beck, then turns swiftly so he's cowering at his front. Beck sighs.

"How is the—"

"SHE THREW PETALS IN MY FACE. PETALS IN MY FACE, BECK. AND THEN SHE TRIPPED OVER MY FOOT ON PURPOSE AND THEN SAID I TRIPPED HER."

Sam glares, standing up as Cat waves at Robbie, "Oh, _hell _no. That flower girl is my—"

"I KNOW BUT NO ONE BELIEVES ME." Robbie stuffs his face in Beck's chest, inhaling his boyfriend's cologne. Said boyfriend pats Robbie's shoulder as Jade rhythmically hits her head against the wall, wondering if she could pass out.

Andre then walks in, "Y'all seen Jade?" He frowns and pauses, looking at the scene before him: Robbie crying to Beck as usual, Sam glaring (Cat waves at him), and Jade hitting her head against the wall. Slowly, he backs out, and a hysterical Tori bumps into him. Gratefully, she smiles.

"Andre! Thank _God, _have you seen—"

He sticks his thumb to the doorway on his left, but furiously shakes his head. "You do _not_ want to go in there."

Tori frowns. "What? Why? Is—"

"Tori!"

Sam appears at the doorway, and pulls the brunette in. Cat gasps, "Sam! Jade can't—"

"_Jade?_"

Said woman cracks an eye open, nodding at her fiancé. "Hey babe." She frowns at the tear tracks on Tori's cheeks, "What's—"

Tori scoffs, throwing her bouquet at Jade, "Oh don't you _'What_' me, Jade West!" Everyone silences, "You fucking left me at the altar!"

Jade carelessly (and stupidly) rolls her eyes, "I did _not _leave—"

"You know what?"

Jade sighs, straightening out, wedding completely forgotten. She purses her lips, "What?"

Tori seethes, "We're done."

Jade pales, and meekly, she replies, "What?"

Tori nods and runs out of the room. Hurriedly, Jade chases after her.

"Babe! Tori, c'mon!"

Cat frowns, and Sam whistles, calling after.

"You'll need a _lot_ of _pie_ to make up for this!"

**;;**

**A/N: **I'm just in a terrible one-shot mood. Don't worry, Jade and Tori have plenty of pie and make up, then get married a week later. ;) And le gasp! Sam? Uh, yes, that's right son. EVERYTHING IS PUCKENTINE AND NOTHING HURTS.

Lol. New chapter of Superheroes and Sunshine in a bit, along with Reversed, and hrmhrhmhrm _prom, anyone? _

Review? I'll, like… never mind. I was going to give you some pie, but it just sounds wrong now. How about a cake instead?

PS—this was so terrible, IDEK. It's just dialogue. I'll probably delete this later. I don't even know why I'm posting it now. *shrugs*


End file.
